Thor's Army

Mother decided i was insane one day when i was cooking vegan Food Not Bombs.
The house was like a Junk Store littered with every massive box of scraps left by Helen and Ransom Eng and hauled to Nashville in Massive Trucks.

I was not insane, but merely cooking Food Not Bombs. She on the other hand was screaming at me, and had threatened to slit her own throat a few years earlier, on the front porch of 328.

I had asked to see my dying grandfolk. she had returned from DC having denied me a chance at their deathbed, in addition to the life i wished for with them since age seven.

Such things i recognize now as child abuse.

Was my father Aspergersy?
Was it child abuse to have him as the primary House Dad?
He never did me wrong, never.

I was his office slave, truly, my primary and total career.

But mother decided i was insane when i was 21.
One would think forced incarcerations were a thing left for Siberia and Stalin, but as it turns out, it was all the rage in the 1990's for affluent upper middle class to incarcerate and medicate their family members half-to-death for crimes of atheism, vegetarianism, lesbianism, and general High IQ or humanitarianism and philanthropy.

So just where i went wrong, i can never retrace.
i always imagine it was the punk rock haircut i gave myself.
My brother on the other hand, Michael Eng was a raging alcoholic on LSD.
i was the sober straight edger elder sister who held the family together, got my siblings reading shakespeare as todlers, taught algebra, etc. etc.
I was Mary poppins Perfect, aside from getting slapped across the mouth by Mother when i was sixteen, as she called me a Bitch. Her own father Elmer Kangas used to beat Mary Driscol Kangas.

Essentially, i was Human Trafficked into an MKUltra Prison, by my own Mother. I was Medically tortured for several years off and on on rounds of extreme medications which failed to eradicate my vegetarianism, lesbianism, atheism, or other assorted thoughtcrimes.

What i take from it all now, is that the Mother who gives you life, can always also give you death.
Mothers are the least to be trusted, but the most to be loved.

An abortion, whether at three weeks, or 21 years is still an abortion. Attempting to obliterate a human soul, and extinguish every unique particle of her spirit, identity, and religion, in a haze of nonconsensual drugging and physical and sexual violence, in a hellhole pit called Middle Tennessee Mental Health Institute and other hellholes Parthenon Pavilion, Summit give way to the curiosity:

why was i exploited for child care, housework, and officework from age 5 on?
why did my mother work 50-70 hour weeks my whole childhood leaving me to tend her children?
why did my father allow my mother to extract more children despite his wishes not to have any children?
Why was my father called a "sociopath" and "psychopath" by my mother? Why was my father ridiculed by my mother my entire childhood?
Why was my expensive education poured down the drain under threat of electroshock?
Why does no one know what MKUltra was still active in Tennessee circa 1998-2002?
Why was my head smashed by Max Schuster of Green Hills after meeting in Parthenon Pavilion?

Why did Nashville Police fail to investigate the 2002 Rape and Strangulation i survived?
Why was i raped in 1999 by Mark Reynolds of the Vanderbilt Philosophy department and so afraid of the Police Brutality my Mother Inflicted on me, that i was too scared to report the rape, lest the police blame it on me, and use it as another excuse to test more drugs on me?
Why was haldol used on me to the destruction of my teeth such that 20K dentistry at least have been needed to repair the dental destruction enacted by Haldol Rabbit Syndrome?
Why do i still suffer extreme Jaw Tightness after the Terrifying Medical experimentation with Tardive Dyskenisiac effects so terrorizing i would flee America as a refugee in 2010, and flee Tennessee in 2003 to California where i lived in Los Angeles as a refugee in my own country from a Medical Stalking so severe, i demanded Mother take the CIA 500K grandpa left us, hire a Lawyer and Legally Protect me from the Nashville Behavioral Stalkers which were terrorizing my every day.

Undercover in California, i was the least ill, successfully studied and worked, sued corporate abusers and soaked in artistic ambiance and non-judgemental company.
Finally restored to my true kith and kin, Father's San Diego Naissance meant i was Half-Californian afterall---soul-wise.
If Being Californian outside of California, is a mental illness to all the people the Californians fled from, god may we repatriate.
Bless, them, the Chicagoans: Ruth Balsey Stephens  . . .
Atheism aside, there is memory, what is lost forgotten and suddenly remembered.

Mary Catherine might know.
Her dress was facebook blue in the coffin. They put her together so well after she was knifed to death in the throat.
Lots of makeup and a cold serene look she had. Father Charles Strobel stood over her casket, his face red, and streaming tears.
I want to know what he thinks of all the Child Rapists in the Catholic Church.

Mary Kangas told Anne Eng to take the kids and leave Nashville.
Mary Kangas was an activist against the horrors of "Behavioral" research in Portland, where MKUltra style forced-drugging and hospital abuse became the new religion of secularism.
I was doing the work of Christ, poor and threadbare, feeding the homeless, giving Grandma Helen Stephens Eng's CIA silver to the poor outside Lucy's record shop. Anne Eng unwittingly perhaps sold me to Psychiatric Human Experimentation---as a proxy crucifixion for all the hatred she heaped on my father my whole life. He remained untouchable. Male. She incarcerated me, and my father began to die. It utterly destroyed him, to see his daughter crucified and lynched in the MKultra Machine he decried even in the Jimmy Buffet Biography in the mid-nineties. Father was all too wise.
Mother could have come to Oregon.
I could have called Ran in DC and demanded a Child Protective Services investigation.
I just suffered through the first 21 year Eng family life sentence, never expecting to be sold into slavery for some 7 dollar an hour Ghetto Torture Abu Ghraib bullshittery under Mohammed Jahan, torture doc extraordinaire. It was an Honor Killing fit for a CIA wife, to enact upon her unruly daughter, who failed to turn up in the string of pearls, the poodle skirt, or put her plath-head in the oven fast enough to avoid Dante's Inferno.
So Thorazine powers this, as Thorazine always did, give Thorazine blues, to they that know God by way of Chemistry, Thor's hammer so mighty, none may stop it.

So what was top 5, Science Director doing for the poor, as the lobotomies rolled forth?
As Sem Jacobsen practiced his dark arts of brain surgery on the living in Norway?
As Michael Eng contains the stories of Lyndon Johnson, and Anne Eng stories of the childhood of my father, the dinner parties, how can i walk a fine line in this fine family and find a way to more Total Information Awareness?